Gave Everything Up - V1C2
Volume 1, Chapter 2:
Resolution
Why did she only smile like that when
talking to Nana. Why did she have such a terrible face on her when the other person
was me.
I was thinking about a lot of things. Even
so, I shouldn't say those out loud.
Because they didn't even love me yet.
"I-I'm home."
I raised my voice to be as cheerful as
possible and opened the door to the living room.
Nana and my mother looked at me with a
slight jolt of their shoulders.
"Welcome back, Manato."
"..."
Mom greeted me back, but Nana was still
silent.
"...W-what were you talking about
earlier?"
What sort of pleasant conversations did
they have a while ago? I asked my mother and Nana that question.
"Um...right, I was listening to a
story from Nana's school."
Mom replied that. But I heard. My name was
mentioned in their talks earlier.
If she was going to ask about how Nana was
doing at school, my name should have never came up. But to say such a thing
meant that she was lying to me.
...Rather than being loved, was I hated
instead?
"Oh, really..."
"That's right."
Ah, there was that look of displeasure from
Mom. She had what you could call a smiling face, but you can see the disagreement
behind it. I hated that expression because it felt like she was being too
careful around me.
We were family, but she was tiptoeing? Even
though she never did that kind of thing to Nana?
When I thought about it, I became even more
distrustful because I already didn't have any good feelings to her from a while
ago.
I wanted to believe my mother, my own
family, but I couldn't.
"...I'm going back to my room."
I told my mother that and walked up the
stairs.
"...Could he have found out?"
"He probably didn't. Onii-chan is dense."
Such a conversation took place in the
living room after Manato was gone.
"I'm glad. If Manato finds out, everything
will be ruined."
"Right. I have to prepare so that Onii-chan doesn't find out."
"It's only a week from now. Manato's
birthday."
Yes, the pair was talking about throwing a
birthday party for Manato.
"We'll have to surprise him with amazing
decorations."
Nana was determined. She apologized to her
brother for ignoring him this past six months, and she was going to try and get
along with him again on the day of his birthday.
But they boy didn't notice this. He never
would.
Because the boy believed he wasn't loved.
"...What the hell."
As soon as I got to my room, I let out a
curse and jumped into my bed.
I didn’t know whether that was directed to my
mother, my sister, or myself for not making enough efforts to be loved.
No, not yet. I just wasn’t working hard
enough.
I had to talk to them more actively. That
had to be it.
Mom, you were really sweet to me back when
I was a kid...
While I was still a kid, my mother was
really affectionate to me. So much so that you could even call her
overprotective.
For example, once I was cutting some paper
with scissors, I accidentally sliced my finger. At that time, my mother kept on
apologizing to me with tears in her eyes as she put a bandage over and hugged
me.
In fact, I was in so much and was about to
cry, but when I saw my mother so distraught, somehow, I didn't.
It was good back then. I felt that my
mother loved me. Now...
No, I had to try to get back those days.
It was when I was in my first year of
junior high that my mother and I became like this.
A few months after entering junior high
school, my father collapsed from working too much. The doctors at the hospital
did their best to help him, but he passed away. The cause was death from
overworking.
From then on, my mother was always busy.
She never had time for me.
At the time, I thought my mother was a
coldhearted person. Because she never cried when my father died. If anything,
she immediately got back to work.
Seeing my mother's somewhat ghastly
appearance, I found it hard to call out to her.
But Nana, who was in elementary school at
the time, couldn't do anything without Mom. Nana alone was enough of a burden
to her, so I thought she might get exhausted if I were to join in, too. I
thought my mother was going to hate me.
But the reality was that Nana was the only
one receiving our mother's love now.
As for me...
I wanted to be spoiled by my mother, too. I
wanted her to mind me.
But I put up with because I was thinking of
her. I didn't think I did anything wrong, and it was fine for me as well.
But now that things had settled down, I
wanted her to fawn on me again. Because she couldn't before.
I didn't want to be hated. But it was even
more unpleasant to not be loved.
At this point in time, I hadn't considered
Sayaka into the equation. I thought that as long as Sayaka loved me, I was
going to be okay, but then Sayaka found someone else she loved.
Of course, my feelings for Sayaka were
genuine, and even now, I wished that the person Sayaka liked was me.
But reality wasn’t that. I found out that
it was different to know that you would never be loved than being hung up
forever.
A partner didn't have to be a certain
person. It was possible to meet someone better in the future. But there was no substitute
for family.
That was how it had always been, and would
never change.
I wanted to be valued. I wanted them to be
fond of me. I wanted to be loved.
That was why I had to make the effort. To
be loved. So as to not be hated.
"Onii-chan..."
Ignoring him for 6 month for a birthday party? Bruh.... BRUH
ReplyDeleteright?? it doesn't make sense
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