Gave Everything Up - V1C9
Volume 1, Chapter 9:
Mother
My life was smooth-sailing. I got married
to the person I liked and had two children. Both were adorable, and my husband
was extremely gentle. This was probably the happiest time of my life. But it
didn't last long.
A few months after my eldest son, Manato,
started middle school, my beloved person collapsed. The cause was overwork.
After that, in no time at all, my husband passed away.
I regretted it. I regretted so much that I
couldn't even regret it enough. Even now, I still do. But I didn’t have time
for regrets. I had two children. They were the proof of his existence, as well
as my treasures. I must protect even at the cost of my life.
That was why I resisted the urge to shed
tears and occupied myself with work. I worked from morning until evening.
Thanks to that, I was able to obtain a decent position in the company. Our
lives became well-off.
That was the story at the time. When I
began working, I wondered, could I even keep it up while raising children? I
couldn't help but be anxious, and sure enough, those fears came true. Manato,
who was in middle school at the time, was already able to do most things on his
own. But Nana was still an elementary school student. It was natural that Nana
would only be doted on by her mother.
I spent most of my days at work while still
spoiling Nana. I acted tough in front of my children because I couldn't afford
to look exhausted to them. And then, Nana, who had a dark expression on her
face ever since my husband dies, started smiling. I was really happy. After
all, I was glad to have given birth to that person's children. I honestly
thought that at that moment.
But I had forgotten. I was so preoccupied
with Nana that I forgot Manato was still a kid. Which led to the situation now.
One day, I came home from work late as
usual, only to see Manato seated on a chair.
"Manato...? Why are you up at this
hour? You have to go to bed now, don't you?"
I called out to Manato, sitting alone in
the darkness.
"...Mom, today's my birthday. No,
that's wrong. It was my birthday yesterday."
I was shocked when he said that. Did it
show on my face, I wondered? I hadn't forgotten about it. I could assure you
that. I was actually planning on holding a birthday celebration today. But
because of work, I wasn’t able to.
That fact made me feel guilty, and I choked
on my words.
"Of course, I remember."
Naturally, I affirmed him that.
"...You're lying."
"Huh?"
But Manato responded that what I said was a
lie, and those words felt like somehow, he had given up on something.
"If that's true, why’d you look so
unpleasant just a while ago?"
The way he ended his words wasn't something
that Manato usually did. If I spoiled the event here, the meaning of the
surprise would be lost. I had to avoid that.
"That's..."
I had to say something. While I was
thinking that, Mana spoke up.
"It's fine. I understand. Mom never
loved me."
Manato's eyes had a deep, sunken, and clouded
look. The moment I saw those eyes, I realized. I made a mistake.
"!!! Manato!"
I had to explain myself. Thinking so, I
called out to Manato, but he went upstairs without looking back at me.
"Manato..."
All I could do was speak out my beloved
child's name.
The next morning, as I did my usual
preparations to go to work, Manato woke up.
"Oh... Good morning, Manato."
I called out to him a bit awkwardly. That
just happened last night. But was it okay to think that, that situation
couldn't be helped?
"Good morning to you, too.
Maki-san."
"!!! M-Manato?"
Hearing the words that came out of Manato's
mouth, I could feel the blood drain from my face at a rapid pace.
"Is there something wrong?"
Honorifics as well...
"Eh, O-Onii-chan?"
While I was at a loss for words, Nana
called out to Manato. Nana must have noticed that something was wrong with
Manato. She seemed confused.
"What is it? Nana-san."
Even to Nana, Manato added honorifics. Such
a thing...I couldn't believe that he would even use that to address his own
sister...
"W-what happened? You're talking like
a stranger..."
Nana asked.
"What, you say, I just don't have a
family to call my own."
What was he saying? We were undoubtedly
family.
"H-hey, Manato. What's wrong?"
"Y-yeah, Onii-chan. Stop talking like
that."
I really didn't understand what Manato was
thinking. As to why would he suddenly say those things.
"It’s just that I realized. I've never
been loved by anyone."
"Why would you think that?!"
It wasn't like that. I loved Manato with
all my heart. I thought of him as my precious treasure.
"Why, huh. Maki-san showed it to me
numerous times. You always put work before me. Nana, as well. You've been
ignoring me for the past six months."
"That's not it, Manato! That!"
Wrong! That wasn't my intention! I worked
hard because I wanted to make it easy for you kids!
"I-I didn't mean to ignore you...!"
"Rest assured. I don't care about you
two anymore, so you don't have to try and mend things now."
"! Please, Manato, don't say
that..."
Again. Manato's eyes were sinking deeper
and deeper.
"Onii-chan, it's all my fault! I'm
really sorry, so please stop!"
"Please calm down. I understand. I
won't bother you two, so I hope you let me stay at this house. Please."
Manato bowed deeply as he said this. Had I
driven Manato this far? To the point where he had to bow and beg to be allowed
to live in this place that was his own home? Just how bad of a mother was I, huh.
"You don't have to do that, this is
your home!"
"Please go back to how you always
were, Onii-chan!"
We appealed to Manato.
"The usual me...what kind of person
was he."
Manato's self-mocking smile looked very
painful. That sight of him made my heart tighten again.
"I'm going to school now. Oh, I'm
grateful to be allowed to stay here, so I don't need money for breakfast."
Manato left at that, quickly getting ready
and headed out front door.
"Wait!"
"Onii-chan!"
Nana and I tried to stop him. But Manato
walked out the front door without ever looking back.
All I could was stand there, watching his
back wondering, was I really qualified to be his parent?
I'm very agree with your opinion
ReplyDeleteif he was in my family he would get is @ss handed to him and be out in the streets
ReplyDeleteThat honestly sounds like a scary way to treat a depressed child if anything that would just be confirming their current mindset and the end result would probably be suicide you can't really beat depression away.
DeleteWow, what a shitty household.
DeleteI mean, dude is acting like a sissy
DeleteAgreed
Deleteim rly liking this so far. his reaction is kinda funny because if you really don't care about someone/a situation you would just ignore it. calling his mum and sister by their name and honourifics is kind of a cry for attention from a teen, a more mature reaction would be to just speak your sentences without referring to the person, so that you just don't say mum. this situation is more realistic than calmly and methodically doing every correct thing to slip away unnoticed though, which is nice
ReplyDeleteNot true. Calling someone by they're first name in Japan without permission is considered disrespectful. But he can't use they're last name cause it's the same. So he is establishing distance from thime by using honorifics.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAs much as I want to agree with you, talking something that is hard to talk are hard. Especially well your having a hard time adjusting to your environment that is new to you. Just my thought
ReplyDeleteThe boy was fucked up
ReplyDeleteTo be fair being ignored for six months and having your mother basically be indifferent towards you compared to your sister is enough for his reaction to be understandable along with his childhood friend being very ambiguous and not clearing things up.
ReplyDeletetbf, manato did try and put in the effort to spend time with them (first few chapters) and who's to say he didn't do that beforehand as well. it was pretty stupid of them to be this neglectful, i mean his sister just ignored him and his mom, although she was busy with her work, maybe a few nice words or a smile towards him shouldn't be too much, right? although his reaction (ie calling them formally) did kinda make me laugh, i feel like in any other family, he probably would've been beaten within an inch of his life if he showed that level of disrespect. it really does sound more of a spiteful kid getting back at his family in a childish way, which i suppose he is. i just don't know what it is but that section just sounds so comical, it feels so artificial.
ReplyDeletethe only thing i would say he was a bit harsh towards was his friend, yeah she was acting very ambiguously with him despite telling him she has a crush, but i feel like as someone who was always looking out for him everyday, he probably should've talked it out a bit more and communicated his feelings with her instead of blowing up and cutting their relationship just like that. other than that, he's more or less acting as he should considering he's a teenager.
I think his attitude is pretty normal, if I was basically ignored by all my family I live with I would also think that they hated me or just don't have any feelings for me, frankly speaking who is wrong in this story is not him
ReplyDeleteI want to remind everyone, at this point he is one step away from being borderline suicidal. His family was basically showing him that he was an inconvenience in their lives and his childhood friend coincidentally completely forgot about his birthday and was too busy talking to a senior and basically rubbing it in his face that she found someone else to love. He completely gave up on being loved by anyone ever, that's how scary depression is. Never should they have left him alone, they all noticed something was wrong, basically a last cry for help from him, but they were too busy with themselves to notice he was dying inside.
ReplyDeleteAh yes, the classic "communication error."
ReplyDeleteI disagree TL. Can't talk to someone who is always rushing off to work or ignoring you can you? They messed up. Not him.
ReplyDeleteMC is just a sissy, little sister is a dumbass but mother is working to get food on the table and he is crying about it. He runs away when someone is communicating with him (referring when childhood was confessing to him) He is a sissy
Deleteidfk why mother was acting cold and all that, maybe he should be a bit considerate and figure out mother has been working for the both of them night and day.
DeleteManato DID try. He'd probably think it'd sound like whining if he outright complained there. I know I would, so he tried to talk normally, but received cold treatment for whatever reason.
ReplyDelete