Gave Everything Up - V1C14
Volume 1, Chapter 14:
Wish
When I arrived home from my part-time job,
Maki-san came up to me.
"W-welcome back."
"I'm home."
She was early today. Even though she used
to work until midnight.
...Why was I even thinking about that. I
didn't care about these people anymore. It was useless to say anything now.
I thought for a bit, and then raised my
head. Ah, so it was like that.
When I looked up, I saw Nana-san and
Maki-san whispering to each other. They were talking in a voice I couldn't
hear.
Do it in a place where I'm no present. I
feel sick.
...Again. Why was I having these kinds of
thoughts all of a sudden?
Something was wrong.
I shouldn't feel anything when they exclude
me out of the conversation, nor even when they were getting along.
And yet, what was this? This uncertain
feeling inside my heart.
"...You two seem to be having fun with
each other."
"! T-that's not it! I didn't mean to
leave you out!"
"T-that's right, you know?! We're not
doing that, okay?!"
Why were they acting so desperate. On the
opposite, it seemed suspicious. And what was up with me as well. Why did I even
say that.
I didn't know my own feelings anymore.
"...Is that so. I'm going back to my
room. I think I'll just be in the way."
Like I said, why was I being so
deliberately sarcastic?
"That's not that case!"
"Wait, Onii-chan!"
Manato went upstairs without sparing a look
at us. What went wrong? I knew. This was because I talked to Nana in whispers
as if showing off in front of Manato.
I knew that child was under the impression
that he wasn't loved.
I should have understood that this was the
last thing I could have done.
I just wanted to know if Manato really had
a part-time job.
Around noon today, Nana contacted me. The
message was about Manato's part-time job. It seemed that he really was working.
That's what I thought. So, after they
returned, I confirmed with Nana.
"Was he really working
part-time?"
And now this happened. This wasn't good. I
dug out Manato's wound. The thought of him not being loved was even more rooted
in. Maybe I shouldn't be called that child's mother. I couldn't even take care
of him.
Recently, I had been thinking on cutting
back on my work as quickly as possible to secure even a bit of time to interact
with Manato. There was no point in him staying at home at this rate. I needed
to fill the gap between me and Manato even a little bit. I didn't think I was
going to be forgiven. I had done something I wasn't allowed to do. But if I
could, I would like to spoil Manato again, just like that time when was a kid.
I wanted to be relied on by him. ...I wanted to be his mother.
I couldn't help but wish, knowing full well
that I wouldn’t be able to do that.
I could only stare at my brother's back. It
was the same thing again. I kept on repeating. There was a way to fix this. All
I had to do was talk to him. It was easy to see how simple it is to put into
words. But when it came to actually doing it, that was a different story. My
voice wouldn't come out. He didn't like me saying unnecessary things again. My
brother was drifting away. I thought that, but my voice still wouldn't come
out.
I felt that at his part-time job, my
brother's shoulders were more relaxed than at home. Were we really that much of
a burden to my brother? Was it that painful to be with us? I honestly wanted to
know. But I couldn't ask. Because I knew that I was the one causing my brother
pain until now.
The girl at his part-time job called me a
good family of his. Looking back on it now, I couldn't help but laugh dryly.
Where was that good family now, huh. Just where...
Could we go back to those days? Those days
where my brother and I were having fun laughing at each other. I knew the
answer to that. Because I was the one who broke that relationship. But
hopefully, just like back then —
I kind of get why some people would be put off by the MC's angst attitude. However, I would still have my sympathies with him. After all, he did try his best to communicate with his mother and sister.
ReplyDeleteAs for his mother, he knew that she was busy because she's a single parent trying to make ends meet so he knew he had to step up and be somewhat self sufficient. Therefore, what he's only asking in return is for his mother to cook for him even just once in a while or at the very least have a small chat with her after her work to feel loved. What he got in return was either "Sorry, I need to go to work" or "Sorry, I'm too tired I just came from work" for 6 months straight.
For his sister, he made efforts to talk to her despite being ignored for 6 months. He's even caring enough to give her his share of allowance for her to eat or ask her to come to school together. What he got in return was either being ignored or receiving a reply of "annoying".
If anyone would beat his shit up because he's being a "wuss" whilst him having that mindset because other parents would do so (as stated by previous commenters of this series), then he'd either run away from home or commit suicide (which is the last thing his mother would want as the death of her husband is still fresh).
Mc needed to be more proactive, and put more effort. Mother cant cook because job is to big a burde? Learn to cook and be kind enough to prepare breakfast early and dinner a litle later so you can share some quality time with tour family. To me this mc is selfcentered and spoiled.
ReplyDeleteThis actually can happen. The way he is behaving is a coping mechanism for emotional neglect. You need to read up a little more about emotional neglect. The responses are fairly consistent considering no external intervention (therapy for the child).
DeleteCould you add something like ~Nana's POV~ when there is a sudden change of POV? It'd make the reading more comfortable.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the TL!
Sorry, but I want to avoid changing how the author wrote it as much as possible because they might have intended something with it, like a narrative style or for pacing reasons （＞人＜；）
DeleteHonestly, the biggest fix the mother should do is have all of them attend family counseling. Even possibly a family meeting would do if she was careful.
ReplyDelete